Suspected sexual abuse during a ‘normal school period’

Are there signs you can look out for? No, there are no specific signs that point to sexual abuse. It is difficult for children to talk about this or show signs of it. They actually would rather not have the abuse discovered. This has to do with loyalty to the perpetrator, who is often close to the child, such as a family member or a family friend. Shame and guilt also often play a role. Children sometimes think they are the only ones this happens to. Moreover, they are afraid that something terrible will happen if the abuse comes to light. This is often true, because the child may lose their family and the perpetrator will be punished.

What do you say when a pupil tells you about sexual abuse at home?

Do:

  • Stay calm.
  • Say: “It is not your fault. It is good that you are telling me. This should never have happened. I will handle this carefully.” And ask: “What can I do for you?”
  • Ask open questions or say, “Tell me about it.” Listen. Show interest.
  • Explain what you are going to do with the information.

Do not:

  • Do not ask leading questions.
  • Do not promise confidentiality.
  • Do not condemn the perpetrator.

Watch a video from Centrum Seksueel Geweld about this:

What should you do if you suspect or have indications of sexual abuse at home?

If you suspect or have indications of sexual abuse, go to the school’s safeguarding or care coordinator. Together with you, they will initiate the steps in the Reporting Code. In brief, this means:

  • Mapping the signs of domestic violence, abuse and/or child abuse.
  • Consulting colleagues and, if necessary, contacting Veilig Thuis.
  • Having a conversation with the pupil and/or parent(s).
  • Using a weighing framework to determine whether there is acute or structural insecurity. If in doubt, always consult Veilig Thuis.
  • Acute or structural insecurity: always report it to Veilig Thuis. In addition, it is also possible to provide or arrange assistance yourself.

What can you do as a teacher throughout the school year to lower the threshold for pupils to talk about sexual abuse?

  • Stay connected with every pupil. Listen and show interest.
  • Talk in class about sex, nudity, and whether or not to touch. This can take the form of a lesson, but can also be discussed when the subject comes up. This teaches pupils that school is an environment where it is normal to talk about sexuality, at least with you as their teacher.

Possible sexual abuse during distance learning in the coronavirus period

What can you do when the school—the safe haven where vulnerable pupils are protected from sexual abuse at home—is no longer available and pupils can only take lessons online? Even in this situation, you can still do a great deal for pupils. This applies to every teacher, but even more so to mentors and primary school teachers with a permanent group. After all, as a teacher you remain a trusted person for every pupil.

What can you do—organisationally

  • Agree with the team how the support structure will be organised remotely and how everyone can be reached. Share this information with colleagues, parents and pupils.
  • Ensure coordination with organisations such as community teams, the municipal health service and youth care services to identify risky situations and act on them together, for example through an app group.

What can you do—pedagogically

  • Stay connected with all your pupils. Continue to present yourself as a trusted person.
  • Bear in mind that it is extra difficult for pupils to talk about their problems from home.
  • If you, as a mentor, suspect or know that a pupil is experiencing problems, it is better to have a brief (video) call with this pupil several times a week than to have one long, scheduled conversation. Agree on a standard time together. The purpose of this contact is to monitor the pupil’s progress and show interest in them.
    • “How are you doing?
    • What are you going to do today? How will you spend your day?
    • Is there a barrier to calling?”
  • If appropriate, refer pupils to the possibility of calling or chatting with Kindertelefoon or Centrum Seksueel Geweld.

Advice from Veilig Thuis

Veilig Thuis advises mentors to take the following steps during this period of distance learning:

  • For all mentor pupils: Make sure you have individual contact with all your mentor pupils at least once a week. Discuss how things are going. Do you notice that a pupil needs more contact? Then speak with them more often during the week.
  • If things are not going well at home: Involve the school’s care coordinator, support coordinator or safeguarding officer. Alternatively, mobilise the support services already involved with the pupil. Coordinate what they can do.
  • If things are not going well at home: Activate the pupil’s network. Can the pupil temporarily stay somewhere else, even if only for a day or part of a day? For example, consider the care farm where the pupil already spends time.
  • If the home situation becomes untenable and nothing can be arranged with support services or within the pupil’s network, accommodate the pupil at school anyway.

Watch more videos here with information for teachers about sexual abuse at home.

More information