Do you know that feeling? You’re looking for something, but precisely when you’re searching for it, you can’t find it. And then suddenly, when you’re not looking, it appears. That happened to me this week. I had started writing this blog, searching for the right message. I knew what I wanted to say, but not quite how yet.

The signals that are currently emerging about young people are increasingly negative: concerns about behaviour, aggression, violence and mental wellbeing. It worries me. But what worries me even more is the enormous pressure we place on young people, especially with all these negative signals.

And then I was lying in bed, scrolling through my social media for a while (unfortunately, I still haven’t managed to break the habit), when something beautiful suddenly came along: Peter Heerschop’s* ‘Ode to Young People’. He presents this ode because of concerns about the mental health of young people. What striking words. I hope that many young people, but especially adults, have been able to hear his message! It is not so strange that young people struggle…

Just a quote from his ode:

“Seek each other out and don’t say: ‘If you need me, just let me know.’ If someone needs you, they may not be able to let you know. So assume that you are needed and go to them.” (Peter Heerschop – ‘Ode to Young People’)

Good to one another! We need it; it may be more relevant than ever. In the Netherlands, we see the signs and have legitimate concerns: more aggression between people and less understanding of one another. We have been reading about it in the news a lot lately. Aren’t we all, not just young people, too focused on ourselves?

Let’s all look in the mirror and be a little better to one another. Let’s create an environment together in which everyone feels safe, respected and loved.

Have we forgotten how to do that?

No, fortunately not! Fortunately, the figures also show that the vast majority of students still feel safe at school. Most students also feel that they are in a fun class and that they have frequent and enjoyable contact with their peers.

Spend a day in the classroom and you will see wonderful examples of students displaying respectful, conscious and responsible behaviour. For the opening video of Anti-Bullying Week, we spoke with pupils and students about the theme ‘Good to one another’. ‘Do you ever do something good for someone else? And does someone else ever do something good for you?’

Many beautiful examples came up, one of which still stands out in my mind. He had started at a new school this year, which he found very exciting. Beaming, he told us how warmly he had been welcomed into his new class, how someone had shown him the way around the school on his first day and how welcome he had felt. That class really was good to one another! These kinds of examples also deserve attention. By focusing on positive actions that show kindness to one another and on inspiring examples, we can work together towards a more inclusive society that respects each other’s differences.

How does ‘being good to one another’ help combat bullying?

When we are good to one another, we take other people’s feelings and needs into account. We take a genuine interest in others and try to understand them. By being good to one another, you build positive relationships and a sense of community in which everyone matters. A community where, together, you ensure that everyone feels supported and valued.

As a result, any bullying behaviour will also be nipped in the bud much more quickly, because you create a culture in which people are attentive to one another’s wellbeing and stand up for each other.

Being good to one another also means respecting differences between people, including appearance, background, culture, interests and beliefs. By embracing diversity together, no one has to become a target of bullying because of their differences.

Being good to one another therefore goes hand in hand with preventing bullying. By promoting respect, empathy and kindness, we can create an environment in which there is no room for bullying and in which everyone feels safe and valued. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

Does everything always have to go well?

The answer is: no. Things do not always have to go well. That is not possible either. We also need conflicts in order to learn from one another. It is precisely during these kinds of difficult moments that you can practise dealing with one another respectfully.

Sometimes things go wrong; making mistakes is simply part of life. It is precisely from those mistakes that you learn and grow together. The point is to make it safe for one another to fall and get back up.

Behaviour is a question

Let’s return briefly to where I started: Peter Heerschop’s ‘Ode to Young People’. It contained another important message that I would like to pass on to everyone who works with children and young people. Even though there are major challenges and you may sometimes be searching for how to deal with the behaviour you encounter in the classroom—behaviour that may cross every boundary… don’t forget: behaviour never occurs without a reason. I couldn’t put it more beautifully than Peter Heerschop does:

“There are no behavioural problems. There is behaviour. Through behaviour, you show how you feel. Behaviour is a question. The question is: ‘look at me, listen to me, and then you will see and hear what I think and how I feel. Help me, say something to me’.” (Peter Heerschop – ‘Ode to Young People’)

So, shall we be good to one another?

Join in!

Starting the year well helps with that! So join the annual Anti-Bullying Week from 25 to 29 September 2023, with this year’s theme: ‘Good to one another!’ The week is an initiative of Stichting School & Veiligheid and helps schools work towards a positive school climate and prevent and address bullying. With free teaching materials, you can get started with your class on being good to one another! Will you join in? Put your school on the map and hang the poster up at school.