Where do overly high expectations come from?

Performance pressure among pupils is a widespread social phenomenon. Parents may have overly high expectations of their child for various reasons. They may have a particular future in mind for their child and want to do everything they can to make it happen. We also live in a performance-oriented society that places great value on educational level and school performance. It is difficult for parents to escape this. However, overly high or unrealistic expectations can lead to fear of failure and stress in children.

How can you, as a teacher, deal with parents’ overly high expectations?

Acknowledge the parents’ involvement and put the child’s interests first

  • It is positive that parents have high expectations of their child. They believe in their child’s growth and development. Ask yourself whether you also work from a place of high expectations. What are your expectations of a pupil? What are they based on?
  • Parents want to be taken seriously. Let them talk first about the child and their expectations. This makes them feel heard and gives you, as a teacher, insight into their concerns, motivations and underlying values.
  • Acknowledge their strong involvement. Express your appreciation for it, even if you do not necessarily agree with it.
  • Always put the child at the centre of the interaction. The child is your shared concern. Ask questions about the parents’ intentions, such as ‘What do you hope the child will achieve?’ and ‘What do you consider important in their development?’

Keep the contact professional

  • Stay close to your own pedagogical expertise and knowledge of development. Dare to trust in this, even as a less experienced teacher. The teacher knows the child best in the context of the classroom.
  • Prepare well for conversations with parents: what you want to say, which examples you want to use and what the purpose of the conversation is.
  • Make the child’s development concrete and visible: base your approach on professional knowledge concerning learning outcomes, development, behaviour and work attitude. Use test data, observations and examples. Use these to explain where the child objectively stands in their development.
  • Be clear when something is not in the child’s best interests. Explain the consequences of too much pressure or too few experiences of success.
  • Say so if something is not in the child’s best interests or is not feasible. Then indicate what is realistic. Keep it positive. Explain what you will do for the child, rather than only what is not possible. Try to offer an alternative, for example: ‘Moving to a higher level would be too much at this point. What we can do is provide additional challenge within the current programme.’
  • Let parents know that you value their involvement, but that the teacher is an education professional who is responsible for guiding the child’s development at school.

Stay connected with parents

  • Continue looking for the shared goals for the child. Help parents experience that school and home are working together on the child’s well-being and development, each from their own role. ‘You know your child at home; we know them in the classroom. Let’s bring that knowledge together.’
  • Continue investing in the relationship with parents outside tense moments, in other words through positive points of contact.

Work on the professional development of the school team

  • As a teacher, you do not have to handle this alone. Asking others for advice is a sign of professionalism. Involve the internal support coordinator, year-group coordinator, other colleagues or the school leadership.
  • As a school team, ensure a consistent message and shared responsibility. Let parents know what the school’s policy is and that it is not an individual opinion. Prevent parents from hearing something different from one teacher than from another.
  • Beginning teachers in particular need guidance, training, coaching and peer consultation. The school leader has an important role in making this possible.

Source: NJi.