Tell us, why this topic?
Annemarie: “I had terrible sex education myself. A film in the second year that showed a childbirth in graphic detail—we did nothing but scream—a teacher rolling a condom onto a broomstick, and my mother telling me that my body was a temple. Pretty vague. When I started having sex myself, I knew nothing, and I did it for the wrong reasons too. My girlfriends told me that my boyfriend would break up with me if I didn’t sleep with him. I want my students to think about what they want themselves. What are they ready for, and where are their boundaries?”
Rixt: “From the You and Your Health survey, we see that some students have experienced something unpleasant in the area of sexuality, that someone has crossed a boundary. That was one reason for choosing this topic. There is also a real lack of knowledge about sex, for example about how to have safe sex. We think it is important that our students receive the right information, especially because far from everyone gets that information at home.”
Annemarie: “Yes, exactly. One of my students once asked: how does your penis get hard? So I drew a penis on the board and explained that it becomes erect because blood flows into it. Then he was allowed to draw a vulva on the board too. He drew the vagina, the inner labia and the outer labia… ‘Very good,’ I said, ‘but you’re forgetting one thing: the clitoris.’ ‘Oh yes, I know that one—if you rub it, water comes out!’ What?! Fortunately, they now learn in the lessons what the clitoris is. By the way, it’s about time the entire clitoris was included in the student booklet, not just the tip!”
That the students are curious also became clear when Emma was allowed to stand in front of Annemarie’s class for half an hour. The students in the second year of pre-vocational secondary education were allowed to ask Emma all their questions. Here are a few things they wanted to know: “Can you also get pregnant from swallowing sperm?” “Huh, the hymen isn’t actually a membrane?!” “Can you get an STI from giving a blowjob too?” “How do you make sure you don’t get an STI if you want to have a child and therefore have sex without a condom?”
Another part of sex education is sexual diversity. October 11, the day I visited you, was Coming Out Day. How safe is it for students at your school to come out?
Rixt: “I think it’s relatively easy here. We’re a super-diverse school, and the differences between the children are very broad. Children quickly learn that everyone has been raised with different norms and values, so without realizing it they already learn to deal with differences very well.”
In Annemarie’s lesson, which Emma observed, one boy was open about his homosexuality. He said: “I found it quite difficult to come out; I thought about it for a long time.” “But I could see it for ages!” replied the girl sitting behind him. “Yes, but that doesn’t mean I was ready to talk about it. But I’m very glad I did.”
The Relationships & Sexuality topic is chosen by schools less often than any of the other Healthy School topics. Why do you think that is?
Rixt: “That surprises me! I think schools find it an exciting topic. Teachers sometimes find it difficult too. That can be a barrier.”
How do you tackle that here?
Annemarie: “Every teacher does it in their own way. One prepares the lessons very carefully; I do it as an open conversation, which suits me better. There is one teacher who really doesn’t want to teach the lessons, so I give Long Live Love in those classes.”
Rixt: “We don’t want to force teachers if they really don’t feel comfortable teaching sex education. But we did our best to give the teaching team responsibility; I didn’t want to simply introduce it top-down. I invited you to come and tell the team something about sex education. We also sounded out what teachers considered important and what they found difficult. That worked very well: the team became enthusiastic, and Annemarie indicated that she was willing to coordinate the project. She handled it wonderfully: she scheduled the teacher training and made sure the lessons were included in all the timetables.”
Annemarie: “In my enthusiasm, I wanted to implement all the Long Live Love modules. That is quite complicated organizationally: mentors from all year groups would have to attend training, and many lessons would have to be taken out of the timetable. It turned out there wasn’t enough support for that. Now we’re starting with the basic Long Live Love package in year 2. If that goes well, we’ll look at which additional modules we can add.”
How are the lessons going so far?
Annemarie: “It’s incredibly fun. The children themselves find it so exciting and interesting! Last week I taught my first Long Live Love lesson, and students came in carrying a condom. So I immediately got the condom demonstrator and had one of the boys put the condom on it. All the boys stood at the front, whoom, to watch. The girls sat at the back of the classroom giggling. The student’s demonstration didn’t go very well. So I demonstrated ‘the wall trick’, which I learned at the Condomerie. If you hold a condom by the tip and twist it a few times, you can roll it out with one hand. Well, that got their attention! ‘Wow, miss, I want to learn that too!’
They teach me all kinds of things too. The term ‘messing around’, for example, no longer exists. No, first you’re ‘flowing’; that means sending messages to each other, making eye contact and flirting. Then you ‘fix’; that means dating and meeting up, maybe kissing. After that, you have a ‘rela’ or ‘relationship’. That means you’re exclusive—in other words, you’re intimate only with each other and no longer ‘flowing’ or ‘fixing’ with others. I love talking about this with the students, but they also enjoy telling me what really occupies them.”
What do the students themselves think of the Long Live Love lessons? I’ll ask the class.
“Important,” they say. “Because everyone is going to have sex at some point in their lives, so it’s good to know what to do.” But also: “I think it’s child-friendly; there aren’t any dirty pictures, just good drawings.” And: “I find it a bit strange—not really fun or anything, but important.” “I think it’s stupid that other children act so weird about it.” And: “You should really have lessons like this every year.”
Some parents may have difficulty with the Long Live Love lessons,” one of your colleagues said during the preparatory teacher training. You sent parents a letter informing them about the lessons. What kind of responses did you receive?
Annemarie: “I received one email from a parent who thought it was really good and wondered whether we could also discuss the influence of pornography on how we view sex. A very good question, of course. But not a single negative response! Why do we worry about it? I think the parents are very happy that we discuss the subject at school.”
You have started with the ‘education’ pillar. How will you address the other Healthy School pillars—policy, identifying issues and the environment?
Rixt: “We’re still working on that. First, we want to see how the students and teachers experience the lessons. Then we can also look at how to translate that into policy. We’re using the lessons to assess what is going on among the students, which topics and behaviors are involved. That could lead to school rules, for example, or an additional lesson module. Once we agree on which lessons we want to include in the curriculum, we’ll document them as well.”
What do you get from the guidance provided by the Healthy School advisor from the GGD, the municipal health service?
Rixt: “It’s helpful that the Healthy School advisor makes sure the subject stays on the agenda. I know it’s important, but in the rush of everyday life I often get caught up in individual students and short-term matters. If the GGD weren’t there, there’s a risk that Healthy School would be put on the back burner. But it’s not just that. It’s also really helpful that you bring us knowledge and have a range of lesson programs available (and reimburse them). So you don’t just say, ‘You can work on relationships and sexuality’; you also come with a proposal for a learning pathway, and you come and tell the team about the state of young people’s sexual health. That’s incredibly motivating. The training also provides a lot of knowledge, which gives teachers more confidence in front of the class.”
What is the key to the success of your approach?
Rixt: “That we work with the whole team. The Healthy School advisor works alongside me, as care coordinator. Together we look at the enthusiasm and support within the team, and we use that to develop an approach. I really think Healthy School advisors can work even more with the whole team; you need the team, because a care coordinator can’t do this alone. I truly believe that this approach increases the program’s success and sustainability!
Actually, it’s just like love: first you flow, then you fix, then you have a rela. So first you gauge the team’s interest and get them enthusiastic, then you arrange for the teachers to receive training and the students to receive the lessons, and only then do you establish how the school will address relationships and sexuality.”
Annemarie: “Love and sex should be open for discussion and normalized in every school. Young people need to learn that differences exist and that everyone is allowed to be themselves!”